10 Ways To Heal Emotions From Painful Relationships 

In this blog, I am going to tell you about how you can recover from and heal emotions from a particularly painful relationship.

It does not matter whether that relationship has given you a lot of grief, or it is you who has hurt others a lot. These tips can help you with both scenarios.

Even if there is even one relationship in your life that is sour, it can subconsciously: 

a) Sucks your energy.

b) Drains your happiness. 

It is not NORMAL to have relationships in life that hurts. 

Now, it is also not possible for everyone to love us too.

So if not possible for everyone to love us, then how is it possible to have all the relationships in your life that are beautiful?

Let me tell you how you can achieve both.

Well, the important thing to remember here is… 

Whether other people love you or not is none of your business. Your business is only limited to what you think and feel about other people.

“YOUR EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT REACHES THE PERSON TO WHOM IT IS CREATED FOR”

Not the actual words, but the essence and energy of it reach the other person, and subconsciously it is picked up by them. 

If you create negative thoughts of complaints, betrayal, or judgements for another person their subconscious mind picks up that vibration.

You must have noticed in your life that you like the vibes of certain people, you cannot see their vibes, but feel good around them. It is because their thoughts and your thoughts are on the same frequency. 

You don’t have to trust my words blindly…

You can EXPERIMENT this in your current relationships. If there is any relationship in your life that hurts, then intentionally try and create good thoughts about that person for a few days. Next time you meet that person, notice whether your relationship has changed or not. 

Even if the relationship does not change from their side, it will surely change from your side and that is exactly what we are aiming for:

TO CHANGE THE ENERGY OF RELATIONSHIPS FROM OUR SIDE!!!

Because that is where your power lies. In changing your thoughts about them. To heal emotions in a painful relationship, your thoughts and feelings needs to be transformed from negative to neutral or positive.

What Is The Sign Of A Healed Relationship

Sometimes, you might feel that you have gained closure from a painful relationship, but even if there is a single thought or memory of that relationship that still causes you pain.

It is a SIGN that you are not completely healed from it.

To heal emotions in a painful relationship, all the thoughts that the relationship in question brings, should not cause you any pain or disturbance to you.

It should either give you the feeling that you have come out strongly from it or those disturbing thoughts should stop bothering you altogether. If this is the situation you can confidently say that you have got complete closure.

If you have still not reached that stage it means that there is some work that needs to be done.

It may seem intimidating and difficult to heal all your thoughts about that person, but trust me it is easier to face and transform them rather than stay in constant pain. It will not get you anywhere. 

Whereas your efforts to transform your thoughts and feelings about them will make you emotionally stronger and is essential to heal emotions from a painful relationship.

You might also be interested in reading my blog on 6 Easy Steps To Manifest Your Destiny

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How Can You Heal Emotions From Painful Memories of a Relationship

1. Transform and Beautify Your Thoughts

When you are in a painful relationship your mind is used to creating thoughts like…

• “They have ruined my life”
• “Why do they give me so much pain”
• “They always take me for granted”
• “Because of them, I am unhappy in my life”
• “They don’t love and care for me”

It includes all the thoughts that give you the authority to blame them for your problems and makes you feel like a victim.

Over here are not talking about who is right and who is wrong. That will be taken care of by the law of KARMA. We are here to heal emotions from painful memories. So all the thoughts of blame and victim need to be transformed.

The thought process should be like this:

• “I don’t give anyone the power to hurt me”
• “It does not matter whether other person love and respects me or not, it is my duty to love and respect me”
• “My happiness does not depend upon their behaviour”
• “I am not dependent on other people to love and take care of me. I do that for myself”

NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING, IT IS YOU WHO OWE YOURSELF EVERYTHING 

Take responsibility for your life and transform every single thought that still hurts you. There will be times when you are low or vulnerable, these past painful memories will creep in but remember one thing you are stronger than that. During those times try your best to gather yourself and transform them.

If you keep on transforming them every single time, you will reach a phase where these disturbing memories and thoughts will starve and gradually die. They won’t bother you anymore. Finally, you will get your closure.

2. Be Firm and Forceful If Need Be

Initially, when you transform your thoughts, you may feel like it is a lie, and it will make you feel uncomfortable. If need be, you will have to force yourself to change your thoughts. 

DO IT FORCEFULLY IF YOU HAVE TO!

It will take some time for your mind to get used to the new thought process. So don’t give up in this phase. Exercise your resilience muscle and just stick to creating thoughts of healing.

Gradually you will find a light at the end of the tunnel and your mind will automatically stop producing painful thoughts. This is how you heal emotions from a painful relationship.

This is where you TAKE YOUR POWER BACK from others. 

Also read my blog on Awaken Your Abundance Mindset In 10 Easy Ways

3. You Cannot Change Other People, You Can Only Change Your Thoughts About Them

If you believe that you can change other people and mould them as per your own expectation, then it is an excellent way to set yourself up for PAIN and HURT. A good relationship is all about acceptance. 

I am not telling you to accept abuse in a relationship. If that is the case then you should be out of that relationship ASAP. 

If you have had an abusive relationship and the memories of that still haunt you, then you need to heal emotions from them for the sake of your own sanity. 

To heal emotions, Whenever a painful memories come up you have to tell yourself

“I Choose To Be Healed” 

“I Choose To Move Forward” 

“I Choose To Close That Chapter”

Even if those memories come up 100 times, you will have to answer them 100 times. Ignoring it will only infest your pain and bottle it up. It will then be released in an unhealthy manner like an addiction, aggression or mood swings.

A WISE DECISION IS TO FACE THOSE MEMORIES AND ANSWER THEM!!1

4. Realise that it is your Reaction that is Causing you Emotional Pain and not their Action

Other people may be rude and deliberately try to hurt you with their cruel words, but their words themselves do not have the power to hurt you. They are just words.

The way you deal with those words will determine whether they are painful or not. If you just don’t take their words to your heart and ignore them, they wont hurt you. 

This might not make sense right now.

Let me explain this with an example. 

There are celebrities and politicians who get criticised and judged harshly by a large segment of society. If They take their words to their heart they would be depressed forever. 

So what do they do? They just ignore their words.

Sure most of these people are strangers to those celebrities and politicians, but those are still harsh words and the celebrities are human beings too. 

So STOP attaching any VALUE to the bitter words directed towards you in your relationships. 

When you stop doing that you will no longer feel like a subject of pity and will come out of VICTIM MENTALITY.

Also, check out my blog on 4 Ways In Which Your Present Thoughts Affects Your Life

5. Using Sweet Words On People’s Faces, But Criticising Them in your thought Makes You Weak

Let me explain why it makes you weak.

When you gossip and criticise people on their backs or even on their faces, with the intention of belittling them, it reduces your soul power. The reason is that it is negative karma, and negative karma can only yield a negative results.

What happens when the soul power is reduced? 

Well, you must have experienced the days when you feel utterly CRAP, and that is because your soul power is decreased, and one of the reasons could be your karma of belittling people.

The aim should be to have good thoughts and feelings for everyone. 

You might wonder if I change MY thoughts, what if they don’t change? It is the same as you studying because you want a good score, they don’t because they don’t want a good score. Now, you will not stop studying because they also don’t study.

Your power lies in your capacity to think good thoughts and be good to them. I am not saying that you should lavish them with expensive gifts or go out of your way to be good to them, NO. just creating good thoughts and wishing them happiness is all it takes.

Here is the thing that I do, Whenever a past experience of a painful relationship comes up I tell myself that, I will not inflict pain upon myself by thinking bad thoughts about them. I wish them an abundance of happiness and love in their life. 

In the case of an abusive relationship, you can change the painful thoughts into thoughts of gratitude by thinking that ‘I am grateful that it is over.’

Just to clarify, when you give blessings to others in your thoughts, the biggest benefactor in this is ‘YOU’. Because it is a good KARMA and the fruit of this will come back to you sooner or later. 

Also, by doing this, you subconsciously train your mind to break the negative thinking pattern into a positive one. 

6. Seek Shelter In Visualization and Positive Affirmations 

Image Source: Blue Door Media

Working on the thought process might be a little tough initially. So the best way to start is to write down positive affirmations about them.

Again in your quest to change your thoughts about the person with whom you have a painful relationship, your mind will retaliate initially. You will feel like a lie. It could be tricky.

You will have to do it nonetheless. You will have to go against your rebellious mind and teach it a new language. A language of love, forgiveness, peace and liberation. 

The language which speaks words like:

“They are no longer the focus of my life. I focus on healing and achieving my goals. God bless them.”

“I choose to forget all the painful experiences because I have my good interest in my heart.”

“I choose to heal by creating thoughts of blessings for them.”

“I choose to focus on the lesson that this experience has taught me so that the same pattern in my relationship does not repeat again and again”

You can make your own affirmations to heal emotions. Alternatively, you can also use the technique of visualization. Close your eyes and imagine the person with whom you want to heal your relationship. 

Tell them that you choose to release the past and focus on your growth and wish them happiness. Doing this every day will take only 5 seconds but will give you profound results.

It might take you a week, a month or even a year depending upon the intensity of your pain to heal completely. But once you overcome this, you will achieve a dangerous level of LIBERATION. 

7. Rather Then Obsessing Over the pain Obsess over Learning the Lesson

Each painful relationship is there to teach you a lesson. The more quickly you learn the lesson the easier it will be for you to heal the pain.

I will tell you how I do this.

I had a rocky relationship with my Mother-in-law. Like most Indian families we stayed together, and she wanted to control my life and dominate me. For almost 7 years I had experienced sheer agony in this relationship. To heal myself I started meditation. Gradually, I realised that I was not speaking up for myself. That was the lesson I need to learn. So I started to clearly express what is acceptable and what is not. Now, even though our relationship is not the best, it is not a source of misery for me anymore.

Spent some time with yourself and think about what is it that this relationship is teaching you. If you cannot figure it out, then like me start meditating regularly and you will have your AHA moment.

Sometimes we know the lesson that it is trying to teach, but it is difficult for us to learn it. I understand that it is not easy, but until and unless you IMPLEMENT that lesson in your life, your pain will not leave your side.

So IMPLEMENT it. 

Take one small step at a time, if your leg is shaky, take that shaky step and implement the lesson. Gradually your small shaky steps will be converted into bold strides. 

The lessons that you learn in a particularly painful relationship will help you in other areas of your life as well. For instance, now it is easy for me to speak up for myself when I feel that my interest is in jeopardy.

It is kind of BLESSING IN DISGUISE!!!

8. Your Expectations In A Painful Relationship Is A Souce Of Your Misery

Cut down all the expectations that you have from the person with whom you want to heal your relationship with. Don’t Expect them to listen and obey everything you say, or expect them to take care of you or make you happy.

When you set expectations and if the other person is not willing to do that, the only person who is going to end up hurt in the process is YOU.

When you expect from other people it is a BIG SIGN, that particular thing you are not giving to yourself and instead you are asking from others.

Let me tell you my story about this.

I had expectations from my husband to travel with me, to try different cuisines and have meals at good restaurants, come with me for long walks, and watch the latest movies in theatres. I wanted him to spend time with me.

But he did not wish to do those things with me, for him spending time with his family (parents) and friends were a priority over me. So it was always me getting hurt because my expectations were not met. 

It took me 7 years of emotional pain to finally realize that I was wrong to have any expectations from him. I gathered up my courage and since, I was a homemaker so I was dependent on him financially. I decided to do a content writer job and earn money. 

I killed all my expectations and focused all my energy on earning money and taking care of myself and my 6-year-old son. Trust me it is one of the best gifts I gave to myself. I feel liberated.

9. The Ultimate Parameter Of Good Thought

Whatever thought you think about other people, if it is not worth talking about in front of that person, then it is not worth thinking about too.

Check all your thoughts against this parameter.

Whenever you catch yourself thinking thoughts, that you would no way speak about in front of that person then immediately chuck it out of your mind. Replace it with good thoughts about that person.

When you start doing this you will notice that gradually your relationships will improve significantly and most important you will be at peace. Again you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for the sake of your happiness.

You can check this in your own life. All the relationships in which you think good thoughts about someone, will be good. The relationship in which your thoughts are a mixture of good and bad or completely bad will be painful. 

Just to be clear it does not include thoughts like I want them to be happy that is why I tell them to do so and so things. That comes into the category of having expectations from them to obey you.

The thoughts that come into the category of good thoughts.

• Being grateful for them.
• Giving them blessings in your thoughts.
• Accepting them without judgement.

Again I am not telling you to accept abuse. That is completely WRONG. The person who is abusing is definitely wrong, and the person who is accepting abuse in the name of tolerance is also wrong. 

It is our fundamental duty to fight against abuse of all kinds.

10. Judging People Even in Your Thoughts is Wrong

When you have the tendency to judge other people, That same tendency will also lead to ‘You Judging Yourself’ 

For e.g., when you judge other people as fat or dumb. Even a half-kilo increase in your weight will make you feel fat. Or when you make a mistake, you will by default end up telling yourself  dumb. 

Because that is the language of your mind. Whatever language you use for others by default will be the same language you will use for yourself. 

We all know the importance of accepting, loving, and talking nicely with ourselves. When we judge ourselves, it is an act of self-hatred. 

When you judge other people, the person who is at the biggest LOSS is YOU.

You might feel that one harmless judgement in thought does not matter. But that harmless judgement is not restricted to only one thought. If it is not kept under check you are SUBCONCIOUSLY training your mind to judge other people and ultimately yourself.

This chain of judgemental thoughts acts as a roadblock in healing emotions.

What Causes Additional pain In A Relationship

• Gossipping about anyone is not harmless. The consequence of it, you will have to face. It could be in the form of you having a bad day, feeling low, facing setbacks or anything.

• When you intentionally try to belittle others by being sarcastic or making fun of them. The fruit of this will come to you. Be assured that the fruit will be far from sweet.

• When someone has rejected you, learn to accept it with dignity. Thoughts like “They did not choose me, it is their loss” does not serve you. It only feeds your ego. Our ego is not meant to be fed, it is meant to be kept in check. 

It is not their loss, it is just your life teaching you that this person is not right for you now. 

How Can You Beautify Your Relationships

• If there is any particular incident in a relationship that hurts you. You can close your eyes and imagine, that incident being surrounded by the divine energy and see yourself as healing from it.

• The people whom you love the most, think loving thoughts about them. If you do this regularly, you will notice that your bond is becoming deeper and stronger.

• Believe that the power to make any relationship beautiful lies in you. 

Bottomline

I wish all of you a happy and successful healing. Let me know through comments about your experience with healing, from a particularly painful relationship. 

Feel free to approach me If there is anything I can help you with. I would love to hear about your journey to heal emotions from a painful relationship.